Through most of the story Meursualt's character has come into question a lot. But I feel like he is just misunderstood. From the reader's seat we can not get to much information from his point of view. Every so often I can relate to Meursault's actions and how he expresses himself with other people. I feel like he does the things he does and the way he acts because he does not want to be hurt, and how can you be hurt if you do not care about anything? Sometimes when he talks with people and just says what they want to hear could be because he does not want to continue talking with them or he does not want to get them upset.
I feel like this way of living is not meaningful. Its almost like living for everyone else. He leaves his real emotions behind and lives indifferently with his life. But once he shoots someone everything starts to change. In the cell of his, he has only his thoughts for company and soon starts to dwell on his feelings and thoughts. He even describes his feelings of wanting to cry as stupid. Not having felt anything in a long time, his need to cry felt stupid and a sign of weakness. While yelling at the Chaplain, Meursault was finally sure of his life (he got his answers to life). After having kept everything in for so long and not identifying with it, having it all come out at once must have been a relief. I can say that I have had times where I would just like to let everything out and be open for once but I feel like I would be too exposed, that having everyone know everything about me would leave be vulnerable in some ways. And I feel like we all have our little outlets to release some of our frustration, pain, sadness, anger, happiness somewhere where they will not hold us down. I feel like perhaps Meursault felt more comfortable living detached so that he would not need to experience anything that would make him feel anything. Having being judged by all those people is their own fear of not understanding how Meursault can live out his life without feeling anything and yet most of us probably have their own ways and when questioned about it would also be viewed as odd.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
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